I was thinking about this piece of advice the other day. I'm sure we've all been told it at one time or another-- to never go to bed angry at your spouse/significant other. It's probably one of the most common words of advice out there. The reasoning is (I assume) to always end the day happy with each other, rather than spoil those goodnight kisses with anger or resentment.
This must be great advice, otherwise it wouldn't keep getting passed on. But I have to think it's not always the case or appropriate. Do disputes, even small ones,
always have to be resolved by a specified timeline? Isn't it sometimes worse to try to keep badgering at something when you're cranky, frustrated, and just plain don't want to deal with it?
There's been many times in our marriage when at the end of a long day hubby or I will get annoyed with each other, and may even bicker some. In truth the real problem isn't with each other or even something the other did, but with the fact that we're tired and need to go to sleep. So many times nights like these are followed by mornings where any frustration or annoyance has been forgotten, and I'll realize that what I got so annoyed about last night is not worth it. Other times we've started arguing about something and one of us will call a time-out because we're getting too fired up. We'll each spend 20-30 minutes doing our own thing in separate rooms, and 9 times out of 10 when we come back together we're able to easily and calmly figure out a solution to whatever we were arguing about because after cooling off we're each more rational and understanding and able to see more clearly.
Every couple works a bit differently, and what works great for one won't work at all for another, you just have to figure out your own rhythm. Do you and your husband always resolve things in the moment, or do you take time to think things over and let issues simmer? Do you try to "never go to bed angry?"
Comments (2)
If I never went to bed angry, I would miss a lot of sleep. There are many nights that whatever issue has arisen simply cannot be settled before time to go to bed. If it is important and needs to be addressed, we will resume talks the next day. Often times with a bit more perspective than we had previously. While I understand the reason behind the statement, I don't think it is very practical. At least for me.
When I was with my ex we tried to work things out before bed because I would stay awake thinking about what had happened sometimes, but while trying to talk to him he would just fall asleep while I was talking.
He used to simmer and stew over stuff and then get more angry but if I told him I needed time (and he actually listened) he would come back and apologize just because he wanted to resolve things but didn't want to think about what was going on and he just wanted to brush it off.
Sometimes it's good to talk about it, but sometimes sleeping let's you calm down enough so that you can talk about it later. I think it depends on the people, how they deal with arguments and stuff and how their communication is.