Recently Momaroo posted about
mothers who regret having children, and whether some people might not have this "maternal gene."
I'm one of those people that expected to love motherhood from the start. I've had loads of experience with kids of all ages and have always loved being around children. It surprised me that I didn't bond with my son right away (it took a few months) and that motherhood has been as difficult as it has been these past almost-nine months. Quite frankly, motherhood has kicked my ass. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I regret having my son, because I love him dearly, but there are days when I wish I could go back to being childfree just for a day, or when I see someone walking down the street who doesn't have children and think about how nice it might be to have that kind of freedom again.
I think we're often led to believe that motherhood is such a natural thing, that maternal instinct and bonding will just magically appear, and we don't do a good enough job of preparing ourselves and each other for how big a challenge it all really is. This is changing a bit these days, but it's still taboo for a mom to admit that she's having a hard time dealing with her kids and we're all expected to love motherhood and our children 100%, 100% of the time. Which is just plain not realistic.
So let's create a safe place here for venting. You can leave an anonymous comment so no one knows who you are.
Comments (2)
I agree with you that there is a huge stigma on not being, or wanting to be "super-mom" all of the time. I think there is actually a super-mom syndrome going on--I see it with a lot of patients. It's ok if your baby has carrot stains on its shirt all day, so long as he isn't molding. It's ok if you actually go out without your baby and enjoy yourself and don't feel terrible for leaving your baby with someone other than yourself. I feel like a lot of women need permission to feel this way (though I don't know who gives that permission.....their mothers perhaps?). I think you make a great point and I don't even think it is really venting per se. It is really pretty normal when people are honest about it.
I have felt that same thing for a second.... "Gosh if I could go back I would do it so differently!" I say that a lot, but it's 99% of the time not related to having my little one or not, it is as to what I did after. That is what I would change and maybe even the dad...
I agree, mothering is hard and it kicks our butts a few times and we aren't really expected to be open about such feelings... That's why I have a Xanga! Lol, but I use it for more like my day to day things that I wouldn't tell anyone I knew. I'm way too private, I even sometimes hold my best friends at arms lenght. But if you knew what I have been through, it would make a lot more sense. Lol! Too many bad people I've had to deal with.
Hope you are having a good start of the week!