Years ago when hubby and I were engaged, I found a book by Marg Stark called What No One Tells The Bride.  It's a fabulous book that truly looks into preparing to be married rather than just thinking about the wedding day.  I have since bought copies for several friends when they, too, got engaged.

Then this morning D and I were strolling the public library when I found another book by the same author, this one titled What No One Tells the Mom.  The back cover describes it as a book about how to survive the first years of parenting with your sanity intact.  I checked out the copy, and luckily D took an extra long afternoon nap so I was able to read the first few chapters.  Already, I really like this book.  I have not been shy about how difficult motherhood has been for me, something that was a bit of a surprise as I consider myself to be a baby person and have had lots of experience caring for them before.  But nothing prepares you for being a mother yourself, the energy it takes, the lack of sleep... and not to mention the guilt and fighting off all those expectations that we put on ourselves to be The Perfect Mother.  That's what this book is about-- realizing that while there are many women out there who revel in motherhood and always love their kids, there's many more of us that are tired, overwhelmed, and at times even feel resentful of our babies that we love so dearly, or of the loss of our former selves and previous lifestyle.  It talks about how to adjust your expectations, surround yourself with friends who'll be honest with you and with whom you can be honest so you can vent in a safe place and get that support that we all need and deserve.  I'm curious and excited to see what the rest of the book will bring, but already I feel that this is a book I could recommend to friends getting ready to be moms. 

Have you read this book?  What did you think of it?  Do you have other books that you'd recommend to help cope with the difficulties of parenting?

 As a mom, and especially as a stay-at-home mom, I think I tend to get into the habit of assuming responsibility for things that have to do with D.  It's something we all probably do, in all sorts of areas of life.  For example my husband is a much better cook than I am, so even before we had any kids it would often be assumed that he'd cook dinner unless he asked me to.  These days I find that we both tend to assume I'll take care of the things like feeding D or getting him ready for bed at night.  It even goes as far as me having a shorter tolerance for fussing, and so if all of us are home and D starts fussing while playing on the floor I tend to be the one to pick him up as hubby takes a bit longer to respond.  (I don't want to make him seem like a bad dad-- he's an incredible father, and very involved.  But he and I just deal with certain situations differently). 

Lately we've both been trying to fight these assumptions.  There's more nights where I'll cook dinner while hubby gives D his bath and gets him into bed.  However there's one thing that I tend to do 99% of the time, because hubby actively avoids it-- feeding D solid foods.  Hubby has done this a handful of times, and it's turned out quite messy and sometimes D doesn't eat much, or anything at all.  This has made hubby gun-shy and afraid of feeding D.  Lately I've tried getting him to do a feeding, and he'll try a few bites, then declare that D's not eating anything and hand me the bowl and spoon (nevermind that half the time D doesn't take anything from me, either, but that's another post...). 

I know he means well, and he himself admits that he needs to get over this fear he has.  I think I'll need to just put him in charge of a feeding a few times and leave the room so that he HAS to do it on his own and can't pass it off to me.  I actually think this is something I should do more often in general, just leaving the 2 of them together for an hour or two, so that hubby gets more comfortable and confident with his ability to take care of D on his own.  I think it's tough for him that I deal with D so much and so know him and his habits so much more, and hubby just doesn't spend as much time with him (because of working full-time) and so doesn't feel that same comfort. 

Have any of you had trouble with getting your husband to be more involved with the kids and their caretaking?  Do you have any tips for dealing with this?

The past 8 months I've been using a Skip Hop Dash bag as my diaper bag.  It's worked pretty well-- I love all the pockets, and that I can wear it messenger-style.  But lately I've been wondering about getting another bag.  Part of me wants to go with a bag that's bigger, so I can hold more things.  Then I realize that if it's bigger, then I will carry more stuff... and my bag will get even heavier than it already is.  Then I wonder about just using my Patemm pad to hold diapers and wipes and keeping that in D's stroller, and using a large purse to hold my things and a few toys and change of clothes for D.  Hmmm... so many options.

What do you use as a diaper bag?  How many diaper bags do you own?